Back to Broadway. From where I should never have left.
I have to tell you all something: Broadway rocks my little world. I want that. I want the drama, the jazz, the glitter. I want the love. I want the happy endding.
Am I reaching to the stars?
Why do people keep thinking that to want it all is unthinkable, unreachable? I have one life, and I want all that I am entitled to in this lifetime. Let me tell you a little secret - we are entitled to all we believe we are. Believe and go after it. That's where the power lies. That's what people forget - they forget to believe, they get confortable, they get lazy, they settle for less. Yes, they are happy, but you can see in their eyes the dream that one day was. Not anymore.
So, people, keep living your dull, empty lives, content with crumbs, scraps of what you once dreamed of. I might be eternally unresigned. A true nonconformist. Will this bring me happiness? Probably, no. I just know that I won't accept anything half-way.
I'll leave you on a melancholic mood... Broadway style.
On My Own
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Life Is Such a Repetition
Anyways. This all brings me back to 2 aspects of everybody's lives:
Firstly: life is a cycle.
It truly Is a repetition of patterns one is comfortable in following. Let me tell you how I came to this brilliant conclusion - One day you are very hyper and hanging out with friends, then a little melancholic, then you stay in, eat some ice cream, read a book. Then you just wanna party all night long again. Maybe I'm oversimplifying things with this moronic example, but you have maybe 3, 4 personas inside you that cohabit and live peacefully together, on cycles, just like when you plant corn and other plants that exploit too much of the earth. You HAVE to rotate the plants. You have to rotate the personas. The problem is, your life becomes a cycle of these people that, ultimately, are you. You don't move forward, you don't evolve. You keep going round and round. Sad, uh? You have to get out of this CILADA, my friend. Otherwise, you'll stay forever this young soul - not in the cute and innocent way - but in the infantile and immature way. And that's never attractive.
Secondly: Procrastination is the essence of one of my personas. The one that follows the obsessed one. Oops.
I know that I should be studying. I know that I HAVE to study. But he won't call me. So I won't study. I'll write, I'll work, I'll even take my dog on a walk. And later on engage on a crazy Jack Bauer Study Plan (you only have 24 hours!). Sometimes is not even out of spite. Sometimes is just because. Because I want to. Very volutarious this author, uh? But I never liked no-one telling me when to do things. So I do them, all right, but when I want to do them (or when I just can't avoid doing them anymore). Sad? Maybe a little. But I'm such a grown up, doing things on my own timing. ...
Monday, 30 August 2010
Happy Birthday Mom
Today is my mom's birthday. We made her breakfast - pancakes, juice, eggs, the works. There was cake.
It's been esentially a good day. We have some of those. My mom and I, we get along reasonably well, but like in all relationships, we have our bad days - and Merlin, when they are bad, they really are. Sometimes I feel that we don't speak the same language, even though we are from such a close generation, even though my friends are almost her age, even though I've dated people almost her age. We just don't get each other. Maybe it's not about the age. I hope not, since today she turns one year older - looking fabulous by the way. Kudos for my mom!
Sometimes I imagine how it would be like to hang out with my parents back in the days, when they were just young adults, like me. Go to a bar, drink, have fun. Without the parenthood hanging over our heads. They are really cool now, they should have been the talk of the party during the 70s, 80s. How cool would it be?
You know that thing that people say - you have to love your family? Not true. You love people because you do. Not because you are related to them. And I love my mom, just as a person can love another one. Happy Birthday, mom! <3
It's been esentially a good day. We have some of those. My mom and I, we get along reasonably well, but like in all relationships, we have our bad days - and Merlin, when they are bad, they really are. Sometimes I feel that we don't speak the same language, even though we are from such a close generation, even though my friends are almost her age, even though I've dated people almost her age. We just don't get each other. Maybe it's not about the age. I hope not, since today she turns one year older - looking fabulous by the way. Kudos for my mom!
Sometimes I imagine how it would be like to hang out with my parents back in the days, when they were just young adults, like me. Go to a bar, drink, have fun. Without the parenthood hanging over our heads. They are really cool now, they should have been the talk of the party during the 70s, 80s. How cool would it be?
You know that thing that people say - you have to love your family? Not true. You love people because you do. Not because you are related to them. And I love my mom, just as a person can love another one. Happy Birthday, mom! <3
Sunday, 29 August 2010
Obsessed in obsessing
Over a Saturday tea yesterday I came to a conclusion - okay, my best mate came to this life-changing epiphany: I'm obsessed about obsessing. Really. Looking back, I can see a clear pattern of disasters that reclaim themselves after this statment. I'll elaborate.
When a situation presents itself before me, if it really appeals to me, I'll suck it into my own particular dreamworld and obsess about it with such intesity that will drive my friends up the walls. But with the same intensity that it came, it can soon go away, just like that. Like a warm summer breeze that just passed by you. I won't even know how to explain what it was all about a couple of days later. Sad?
No, I'm not crazy! It's the intensity of the moment. The fury of passion. And it's not like I need a new toy every couple of days. I just need one that will hold my interest long enough. I try. I really do. But as my very smart friend pointed out, I might be trying too hard, or maybe trying in the wrong direction. He also told me I would make the weridest stalker: follow the stalkee flawlessly until "hey, it's no fun anymore, I give up". He has a twisted sense of humor.
The truth is, I always have at least a couple of obsessions in my life, to keep me going, you know? Like my personal talismans. One has been with me since I can remember: surgery. It's such a close relationship now that it's a part of me, of who I am. Others come and go. My most recent one, the topic of my Saturday tea, well, I acquired it this week. Merlin knows how long it will stick around. If things keep looking as gloomy as they've been so far, it might be just a summer breeze. I hope not, he's very cute.
When a situation presents itself before me, if it really appeals to me, I'll suck it into my own particular dreamworld and obsess about it with such intesity that will drive my friends up the walls. But with the same intensity that it came, it can soon go away, just like that. Like a warm summer breeze that just passed by you. I won't even know how to explain what it was all about a couple of days later. Sad?
No, I'm not crazy! It's the intensity of the moment. The fury of passion. And it's not like I need a new toy every couple of days. I just need one that will hold my interest long enough. I try. I really do. But as my very smart friend pointed out, I might be trying too hard, or maybe trying in the wrong direction. He also told me I would make the weridest stalker: follow the stalkee flawlessly until "hey, it's no fun anymore, I give up". He has a twisted sense of humor.
The truth is, I always have at least a couple of obsessions in my life, to keep me going, you know? Like my personal talismans. One has been with me since I can remember: surgery. It's such a close relationship now that it's a part of me, of who I am. Others come and go. My most recent one, the topic of my Saturday tea, well, I acquired it this week. Merlin knows how long it will stick around. If things keep looking as gloomy as they've been so far, it might be just a summer breeze. I hope not, he's very cute.
I have terrible obsessions. He's just not one of them. ;-)
Monday, 23 August 2010
Inquieta
Hoje estou inquieta.
E me rebuliço toda por dentro. Não me concentro. Nada flui. Tudo é estanque. O mundo está na minha contramão.
E eu só penso nela.
Bandida.
E me rebuliço toda por dentro. Não me concentro. Nada flui. Tudo é estanque. O mundo está na minha contramão.
E eu só penso nela.
Bandida.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Winter Break And The Time We Don't Have
Yeah. It came. At last.
Now the only question is, what to do with it? Ain't it always the same question? Every single time you have time, you have all this things you have to take care of, and the time you thought you had, suddenly, you don't. Not anymore, or at least, not to spare.
Napoleon - the short one - used to say that you don't have time, you make time. He's right, you know? We lead busy, busy lives. We have to make time for time. And for all those other silly little things that we neglect on an overstressed workday. Like eating or sleeping right. Some people forget to dream high. I know I forget to work out. Or I just am too lazy after a full day of studying and working and public transportation. Yeah, I know you know what I mean. Tall people and their smelly armpitches cramped into a bus on their way to the suburbs. Yucks. Who wants to work out after that?
Anyways, here am I, bloging. And thinking of my to do list. Yes, a to do list is a very important artifact over the winter break - or any break. Actually, it's just grand, I'm a fan. You know that doctor you should have gone to a couple of months ago? It's on the list. What about the dentist? On the list. Going to the bank to see about that credit card? On the list. The dog needs his shot? The List. The trip you're planning? Put it on The List. See? It's easy to postpone the suffering and to keep on neglecting. My advice? Yes, lists are nice. I, for instance, am adicted to them. But you NEED a deadline, my friend. Or else you'll keep on not having time and not doing anything about the things that need to be done in your life. And trust me, there are always things that need to be done "yesterday" in our lives.
Happy are those who are very very busy. And very very happy about that.
Now the only question is, what to do with it? Ain't it always the same question? Every single time you have time, you have all this things you have to take care of, and the time you thought you had, suddenly, you don't. Not anymore, or at least, not to spare.
Napoleon - the short one - used to say that you don't have time, you make time. He's right, you know? We lead busy, busy lives. We have to make time for time. And for all those other silly little things that we neglect on an overstressed workday. Like eating or sleeping right. Some people forget to dream high. I know I forget to work out. Or I just am too lazy after a full day of studying and working and public transportation. Yeah, I know you know what I mean. Tall people and their smelly armpitches cramped into a bus on their way to the suburbs. Yucks. Who wants to work out after that?
Anyways, here am I, bloging. And thinking of my to do list. Yes, a to do list is a very important artifact over the winter break - or any break. Actually, it's just grand, I'm a fan. You know that doctor you should have gone to a couple of months ago? It's on the list. What about the dentist? On the list. Going to the bank to see about that credit card? On the list. The dog needs his shot? The List. The trip you're planning? Put it on The List. See? It's easy to postpone the suffering and to keep on neglecting. My advice? Yes, lists are nice. I, for instance, am adicted to them. But you NEED a deadline, my friend. Or else you'll keep on not having time and not doing anything about the things that need to be done in your life. And trust me, there are always things that need to be done "yesterday" in our lives.
Happy are those who are very very busy. And very very happy about that.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Ilusões
Pois bem. Relacionamento novo, aspirações novas. Esperanças, sonhos, encantamento. Promessas. Ou pelo menos, pactos. Mesmo que mal-compreendidos. Mal-estabelecidos. Tem-se um entendimento, ou entende-se que se tem algum.
Então, desilusão.
Porque sempre há desilusão.
Mas você, sabiamente, já estava preparado para a inevitável desilusão. Afinal, companheiro, ela sempre te espera, no dobrar de cada esquina. Por cima do seu ombro você a vê, sua respiração você a sente em sua nuca. Sempre um passo atrás. Sempre atrás.
Preparado você está. Você tem que estar. Não é mesmo? Você sabe que ela vai chegar, de supetão, uma hora. Inclusive, você a vê de relance. Na verdade, na honesta verdade, você a procura. Mas é pra se preparar, se manter alerta. Vigilância constante. Não é, meu caro?
Será?
Então, ela chega. Já esperada. Antecipada inclusive. É uma confortável amiga, de longa data. Periódicas e regulares visitas ela te presta, mas sempre te acompanha. Você busca sua companhia.
Desilusão.
É doce seu som nos meus lábios.
Desilusão.
É velha amiga minha e da
solidão.
Então, desilusão.
Porque sempre há desilusão.
Mas você, sabiamente, já estava preparado para a inevitável desilusão. Afinal, companheiro, ela sempre te espera, no dobrar de cada esquina. Por cima do seu ombro você a vê, sua respiração você a sente em sua nuca. Sempre um passo atrás. Sempre atrás.
Preparado você está. Você tem que estar. Não é mesmo? Você sabe que ela vai chegar, de supetão, uma hora. Inclusive, você a vê de relance. Na verdade, na honesta verdade, você a procura. Mas é pra se preparar, se manter alerta. Vigilância constante. Não é, meu caro?
Será?
Então, ela chega. Já esperada. Antecipada inclusive. É uma confortável amiga, de longa data. Periódicas e regulares visitas ela te presta, mas sempre te acompanha. Você busca sua companhia.
Desilusão.
É doce seu som nos meus lábios.
Desilusão.
É velha amiga minha e da
solidão.
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